Tony Hart welcomes you to 'The GLC Gallery - Part III'


"Hey kids! It's me, Tony Hart and I welcome you once again. It's good to see that you're back. Firstly, many thanks for all the material that you're sending in - remember, it's you, the ones that matter that are making this shit happen, not us. Well, you're here now, so are you ready for another heady installment of virtual visual delights...? Good! Let's take a quick look in the GLC Gallery and see what we can find for you.... "





"My goodness! I think we're onto something special here! Mr. D Eyre, once again flexing his artistic love-muscles for all to regard with solemn praise and giddy nods of astonishment. Here we find the artist not only bombarding the viewer with a veritable orgy of symbols and themes but also urging the audience to take time out and visit this fine city. I believe that this is achieved by manipulating the audience with subtle subconscious messages, but I'll let you decide"



"What is this? A lovingly crafted sovereign from the 18th Century? No, this is the first of a number of controversial works from one 'Daddy L to the R'. See the striking lines, the stirring verse and the reflection like the last embers of a dying winter fire! This, my friends, is a bold statement and no mistake. According to the Father-figure himself, these limited-edition artifacts are available from any Freemans' Catalogue. Just 52 'EZ-Pay' weekly installments of £4.50 later and they're yours. Bound to please? You damn well knows it, clart"





"This is the kind of scene that warms my heart. The gallant exuberance of youth coupled with the arrogant stare of pre-pubescence. Yes, you've guessed it - another 'labour of love' from the one and only DJ Dog-Sled. It seems to be the looking away that I enjoy most - not that I find the picture unpleasant you must understand, only that I relish gazing upon such a scene again to bathe my eyes in the luxury of such exciting details! Much like watching television when inebriated, perhaps on tequila and Kia-Ora and not really understanding what's going on"





"Now that the 'Port has finally achieved City status and we look towards a time of peace, culture and draw, we also find that the frequency of unexplained live events increases exponentially. In this work, Mr. Eyre captures all the excitement and airbourne testosterone of the Bi-Annual Newport Jizz Festival. Working themselves into a man-based frenzy, the participants spray the gathered crowds with their love-beads, bringing a new meaning to the term 'Jizz Ensemble'"





"G Morgan is back. In the words of the legend pictured,"Howzafuckinboutthatthen?". Sir Jimmy Saville, friend to children, defender of the leisurewear and a fan of really big fucking chains. It's no real surprise that the Saville has been closely associated with the GLC for a good few years now, but what may shock you is that he once tried to fix it for Eggsie to become a nun for a day. Needless to say, upon entering the convent, his robes were immediately soiled and a contigency plan sought. Instead, they chose to film a small child who wanted to slam all the doors on a train that had pulled into a station. "What's that you're mumbling Jimmy? Dragon Taxis, you say?"





"The Daddy L to the R graces us with his presence and works once again. Here we have a lovely piece of 90's pop sensation and all-round scally, scoundrel and rogue, Mr. Brian Harvey. The intriguing thing that the Daddy is trying to illustrate here is the underhand and ill-mannered attitude of those who find themselves gasping in the limelight. The trophy that the baseball-hatted one grasps has '1983' engraved upon it, almost 10 years before Harvey was anywhere near a record shop, let alone the Top 40. Ergo, he is now working as part of a secret government-funded programme to explore the corridors of time, changing the mistakes he made in the past to make him virtually immortal in the future. Or perhaps he just prefers 'Marathon' bars to 'Snickers' - I know I do"


"Tony Hart here. It's not like the Gallery was in 'HartBeat' with kids sending in A4 pages with bits of spaghetti and shit stuck to it - take a look at the next page and judge for yourselves. I'm proud to be a part of it."

Send us your shit! Tony gets bored very easily these days - why not submit your masterpiece here?