Wakestock interview: Goldie Lookin' Chain 26 July 2004
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VF: So how does something so disorganised actually work? AH: We don't work really! M: I suppose we operate like a voluntary organisation, a charity you could say. Everyone's in the same boat and we just don't take it too seriously and just live for the now. If you think about what we're doing too much it just doesn't make sense and does your 'ed in, but if you don't think about it, it just makes total sense really. AH: We're like the A-Team really, just a bit sweatier. We bowl into places and sort things out proper, only we don't make things out of metal in garages that we're trapped in, we make things out of Rizla and cardboard and smoke it up. We're just spreading the message, 'don't be a dickhead, go drink some brandy'. Check this out (shows us a diamante-studded medallion shaped in the words 'Goldie Lookin' Chain'). It's spot-on, innit? I got this especially made, see. It's a Madame Hooch exclusive. This is what we're about. Classy jewelery. You knows it!
VF: So what's next for the GLC? AH: I'm making this thing, yeh, it's an interactive porn masturbator. Basically, it's a DVD player with an inbuilt porn film and two cords sticking out, one for a man one for a woman, both with vibrator attachments on the end. I suppose the bloke's one would have to be some kind of balls manipulator. So you sit with your missus, or whoever, stick the attachments on, or in, watch this film and you get jacked off to the same rythmn as the couple shagging on screen! So you're watching porn on TV and you're interactive at the same time getting electronically frisked! We're all forward thinking individuals see. Dipper Naan over there is the league champion of spoon tapping. He lit up Ibiza with his skills.
VF: How was Ibiza for you boys? M: It was very heavy and required a very long sleep. Sod all the other drugs, sleep is the most addictive drug known to man. We had a lovely time but the whole trip caused a lot of blisters and sores around the feet and armpit areas, in fact around most sweaty parts. There was a lot of baby lotion going around and plasters - lots of plasters. And some very nice looking young ladies.
Would you say it was one of your best gigs? M: I reckon our best gig was Glastonbury 'cos, well, it was just Glastonbury, it was my first festival, and everyone was well into it and fucked on mushrooms. And then of course there were the drinking game with you lot (Virtual Festivals won incidentally!). I wasn't there myself but the others came back hanging and I saw the photos. We can't say what tonight's show's going to be like really. It kind of depends on who can be bothered to get out of bed. Every show's a different, independent experience but, at the same time, all part of the same, universal show - the rich tapestry of life, I suppose.
