Virtual Festivals: Last time we chatted you were at Wakestock. How does Leeds compare?
Mystikal: There’s not as much sea and a lot more grass, but as ever we’re smoking as much as we can come across so it’s all much of the same in that respect. But there’s no real comparison between Leeds and Wakestock. They're totally different. What I loved about Wakestock was the friendly party vibe – definitely a massive big up to the North Wales crew from all the GLC if any of you are reading. They're nuts. The thing is you can’t really compare these things. Every little rave adventure is totally different and you’ve got to enjoy each one for its own identity and merit. You can’t predict how one’s going to go from your experience of the last because you’ll always be a bit surprised, which is usually a good thing. Although my experience at the V Festival was a nightmare. I can’t really go into it, but I would say be wary of strangers offering you certain things.
VF: How’s the rest of the 'Chain' and what are they up to?
M: A few members we’re violently sick this morning due to their nocturnal activities but thanks to a combination of cider, fags, draw and Rizla we managed to pull it off on stage and, all in all, I reckon we did pretty well for the opening performance of the day. The crowd seemed to get into it anyway.
VF: You just gatecrashed the charts at number three. Where does it go from here?
M: I think world domination is the least of our priorities. We’re more committed to getting Newport back on the map and bringing joy and love to all the people coming to see us – sexual or otherwise.
VF: And what’s next for the beard? Where’s that going?
M: I plan to keep it going until I look like Ming The Merciless from Flash Gordon. I might bead it or I might plat it but I don’t want to dread it. It will look a bit too Machinehead and I’ll come across like a mentalist. I could go the whole Uncle Albert and get it really bushy but I get enough Crunchy Nut Cornflakes stuck in it as it is.
VF: Like the old scary guy out of Roald Dahl’s ‘The Twits’?
M: Yeh, exactly. I can’t get rid of them. I’ve got a funny story about Roald Dahl. I met this guy recently who’s relative of some sort knew him and used to get stoned with him. Apparently he used to have a massive stash in his shed in his garden and he’d sit there for hours getting stoned and writing stories, out of reach from the authorities so to speak.
VF: How does it feel to be banned from playing Top Of The Pops because of your references to firearms in ‘Guns Don’t Kill People Rappers Do’?
M: It’s pretty hilarious to be honest. We’ve all got a lot of respect for Andy Peters, the guy who made the decision, but he should definitely be sent back to the broom cupboard for this mishap. Top Of The Pops has all gone down hill since it moved from Thursday to Friday anyway. Where have all the wankers in tracksuits swearing gone? It’s quite simply the end of hope, humanity and the rest of mankind. But it is nice to see a song that I like in the charts for once – not that the rest of the chart’s shite, it’s just you can’t dance to much of it these days.
VF: Where did the phrase ‘your mother’s got a penis’ come from?
M: I’d like to say it’s from a real life episode, maybe it is you know. But ultimately it’s the biggest put-down you can give someone. When you’re in the pub and someone’s giving you shit, just turn around and tell him, ‘listen mate, your mother’s got a penis.’ He’ll soon shut up. Or it’s also pretty good in a road rage situation.
VF: Any final thoughts? Words of GLC wisdom?
M: OK here goes. When in the festival environment, trust everyone implicitly until they offer you drugs. If you say no, fair play to you. But if you take up the challenge you may regret it because you’re likely to be up for three days without any sleep. Rave safe.
